Almost there

Knox has been doing so good each day. He will be one week old tomorrow and it makes me rejoice for him being here and also sad because his first week of his little life has been in the NICU. I sit by him and pray all the time and it is something about a newborn baby that makes the presence of God stronger than ever. I feel God there in that room so strong every time we are in there. Not only with KNox but with all the babies in the room. He is by far the sweetest little thing I have ever laid eyes on. He is such a good baby and loves to just open his eyes and stare at you. I have never in my life seen a man full of so much love and pride as Joey. He is the best dad I could ever ask for. The tubes and machines in the NICU make me really nervous and Joey is a pro at handling Knox with all the gadgets hooked to him. He flips him around and changes his diapers like a champ. He has even learned how to control some of the machines Knox is hooked to. Knox's nurse asked him if he was in the medical field :). Knox's doctor told us yesterday about "Kangarooing" your baby. I took Knox and put him down in my shirt and they call it "skin on skin" He is in absolute heaven when we do this. He loves being pressed up next to me as you can see in the picture. His breathing gets the slowest when we do this. He is so relaxed hearing my heart beat and listening to me breath. He gets mad when I have to put him back. I love the way he smells, when I come home I can smell him all night.

He is on 23 to 25 % oxygen right now and half a liter. he only needs to be on room air at 21% to come off and they have tried a few times int he past 24 hours to take him off but he struggles a little when they do so they have to put him back on. We have learned to stop asking when they think it will be because it is clearly on his own time. However the doctor does predict it should be any day now. Once he is off the oxygen he just has to stay one night to make sure he is okay and then he can come home!

Please pray that he will come off completely so he can come home! We are absolutely in love with this little fella!

knox update

We are so blessed and praising God that Knox is here finally. I did not know it was possible to love him this much. We knew going into delivery at 36 weeks that he may require oxygen. For the first 4 hours after he was born we were able to keep him in our room with us thanks to our friend Kim who is a nurse who volunteered to stay with us to help transition him. He was having trouble breathing and cried the entire 4 hours. I got to hold him a few times but at the end of the hours we knew he had to go to the NICU. They put him on a "C-Pap" which is a large breathing tube that sits in his nose. Normal breathing is at 21 percent oxygen and Knox was requiring about 50 percent. He was working really hard to breath and it broke my heart watching him struggle but we have been assured since friday that this is going to take time. Last night at 8 they decided to give him a little procedure of giving him medicine through a tube to help his lungs develop a little faster. Immeditely his Oxygen went from 50 percent to 28 percent which was great. He slept all night last night with the C-Pap in breathing much better. Today they decided to take the C-pap out and put a fisher canula (sp?) in its place which is much smaller tubes for breathing and makes him work a little harder than with the C-Pap in. They did this at 3 this afternoon and its 9:30 pm now and he is still on it which is good. his oxygen is higher again about 40 percent but everything is working better thn before.SO now at this point we are waiting to see how he handles it through the night and hopefully he will be able to stay on it so he doesnt need more help. Our prayer is to keep him comfortable and his lungs to strengthen so he can come off the oxygen all together and come home soon! We are staying here at the hospital with him this week until he comes home. They say its on his time when he will be ready but we are thinking at the earliest this Thursday or friday he may be ready to come home. There just is not any way to tell when except time.

I got to hold him today finally once he came off his C-Pap and he loved it. I loved it too of course! Joey and I talked to him and he kept opening his little eyes and snuggling next to me, I was sad to leave him. We are going to wait till tomorrow to hold him again so we dont get him worked up too much tonight.

I will update tomorrow to let you know his progress. I am praising God for giving us such an incredible little boy who has a ton of fight in him and that he will be fine once we get him through this little bump in the road.

Please keep praying for him we are honestly counting on them!

Almost Here

It has been a while since I've updated this blog! We are so close to the end of this pregnancy I wanted to give a final update. We will be 35 weeks on this Saturday and initially I was really pushing to have Knox delivered next week at the beginning of the week. Dr. Tucker finally just told me "Not going to happen" about a week ago. Of course I was crushed because although I do not want him to come too early I am fearful of the unknown for carrying him much longer. I was exactly to the day today as far along when we had Grayson. Satan has been working overtime trying to blind side me to believing that we will lose Knox any day now because something is wrong with my body. God has been pushing peace on me though and I am convinced this is not true and that what happened with Grayson was a complete rare thing to happen and has nothing to do with my body or with Knox. I have been going every Monday for the past month or so to have a Non Stress Test done to measure his movements versus his heart rate. It's been nice going in every Monday morning and laying there listening to his sweet little heart beat for an hour or so. We have been also going every Thursday and having ultrasounds to make sure he looks okay which he always does. He has been laying head down pretty much the entire pregnancy and has waved at us a few times with his little fingers. His cord has stayed put laying straight across his tummy and I'm praying it stays there!

Having an ultra sound every single week for as long as we have has already made us feel so extremely close to him. He is a very little active thing and has the hiccups almost every other day poor little thing! But the doctor said this is a good sign. I had steroid shot injections last Tuesday and again on Thursday to help his lungs develop a little sooner than normal because he will be here so soon. I was really nervous about having them because I am so afraid to even drink a coke at this point much less steroid shots! But I was assured after lots of prayers that the shots are completely fine for him.

So here we are at the end of all this and go back Monday for a Non Stress Test again then Thursday for a final weigh ultra sound and Dr. Tucker is trying to schedule my C-section for Friday late evening or no later than Saturday morning. So he will be here either the 12th or 13th at the latest! That is only a week away! There is a small chance that because he will be 36 weeks he may require some oxygen when he comes out so my request for prayer is of course for Knox to hang in there till next week and to also have his lungs ready so he can stay with us in the room and not have to go to the NICU. Hopefully the next time I post something on here it will be his sweet little face!

I pray that God will allow us to feel your prayers and I firmly believe that the Holy Spirit is without limit and does allow us to feel them. So please if you think of us in your prayers we would appreciate it!

good things

I just realized today how long it has been since an update and we have been to the doctor a few times since the last post! The latest appointment was not scheduled but turned out to be a great one. Yesterday I had a horrible morning at work to say the least. Actually my entire weekend was stressful because of work and I am trying to learn to give these things up to God more than dwell on them. I'm usually better at this but this past weekend satan surely had a hold of me! I know I felt Knox kick but think I was so stressed out that I was not aware of it like I normally am. So Monday morning I started having contractions which has actually been happening for months now but Doctor Tucker said it's normal as long as certain symptoms don't progress along with the contractions which they haven't so I have just learned to deal with them. So Monday along with being stressed out I convinced myself he was not moving the way I wanted him too. So I took the rest of the day off and Joey and went to the doctor to have an ultra sound. The moment Jan put the dopplar on my tummy she immediately pointed out his heart beat which is always a great thing for us to see right off the start! But the second she showed us the heart beat little Knox crossed one of his feet over the other and stretched his arms above his head and let out the biggest yawn! It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. It was almost like he was saying "okay I'm trying to sleep and now you've woken me up whats the fuss all about" Bless his little heart. His anatomy looked great and Jan said he has even started "practicing breathing" which JOey and I were unaware they even did this in the womb.

He is almost 28 weeks and 2 lbs 7 oz. He is in his 58% of weights for his "age" so he may potentially be a big baby. Either way he is the absolute cutest little thing in the world! Dr. Tucker has been so great he kept our appointment for next week and we will get to have another ultra sound! I live for those days..

He also told us we could have a private transition when we have Knox. Our next door neighbor is a nurse at the hospital we are having him at and she said we could request her. This means once we have him he never has to leave us! How great is that!? He will stay in his little incubator his first 4 hours right next to my bed in the room so he never has to go to the nursery they will keep the nurse in our room with us! I know a lot of people say things like "oh you better enjoy that last night while you have a nursery to send him to, but mark my words when I say no matter how tired or sore I am I would potentially be dangerous to anyone who tried to take him out of my sight that first day and night! :) I've had PLENTY of nights alone this past 9 months missing Grayson and wishing so bad I had a baby to wake up with. My friends think I am insane because I think it is such an honor to be a mom and wake up in the middle of the night with a crying child. Ever since Isabel was little I never minded the sleepless nights with her, I was certainly born for this!

We will not know our official due date until about a week before but we are still looking around the week of June 18th or the week that follows. Please continue to pray that little Knox will hang in there until then and keep growing healthy and for God to give us the Holy Spirit to continue filling us with the peace only he can give us! I praise Him every day for his unfailing love and peace he has given to me!

He has a name!

Joey and I finally decided for certain that we are going to name our little boy James Knox Butler and call him Knox. James is Joey's dad's name and Knox is a name I actually had picked out for Grayson if she were a boy. I had a little boy come in my office one day and his name was Knox and I fell in love with it since then. He is quite an active little thing at times but not as much as I would like him to be and I just really think this name is going to be perfect for him. We are 21 weeks and getting anxious and excited. God has definitely came through as always and has given me the peace that surpasses all things. I rarely think negative thoughts about this pregnancy ending any other way than good. My mind has been set on good things and I love this little guy so much already. I absolutely love feeling him move so much, it reminds me of Grayson. It's by far the most exciting thing I could ever have happen to me right now when feeling him. Isabel is so excited and counts the days down every day. She sings to my tummy and talks to Knox all the time. Of course I do not have to tell you how excited Joey is. He has become obsessed with fishing and boughta boat this past week. Him and Isabel are in heaven with it and we know little Knox will enjoy it one day as well.Joey went to Bass Pro the other day and bought Knox his first little outfit. Its white with a fish on it and it says Bass Pro on. I thought that was sweet. Its so small it could fit a little baby doll. We still do not know the exact date of his arrival but we are thinking it will be either a few days before Father's Day or a few days after.

Please continue to pray as we get closer that God will continue giving us that peace we have. I pray all the time for Him to allow us to feel your prayers.

Philippians 4: 11_13
"I am not sayign this because I am need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do EVERYTHING through Him who gives me strenght."

Valentines Day/doctor appointment

Well now that I am almost 5 months pregnant I suppose the "nesting" phase has set in. I did this baout htis time last year while pregnant with Grayson. I went to buy some storage tubs today to clean out Isabel's room because it is that time of the year to do this! And I decided to start taking down the pink in the nursery along with Grayson's things. It really was not as hard as I guess it owuld have been a few months ago but I came across a bib that belonged to Isabel when she was a baby that I had saved for Grayson. It read "Baby's First Valentine's Day" It brought tears to my eyes that she would be wearing that today. I almost feel like I'm betraying her by packing her stuff up and have gotten a little bitter over replacing pink with boy colors. Only because I never got to use these things on sweet Grayson. But God constantly reminds me that these are material things and really are meaningless in the scheme of things. I k now this but it is still something that I have in the back of my mind. We went to the doctor this past week and had a pretty lengthy ultra spund done and he is certainly an active little thing! I am so excited for him to come and we are pretty certain on a name for him but will let you know as soon as we "officially" decide!

Happy Valentines Day!

IT'S A BOY!

We went to the doctor yesterday and found out we are having a BOY! We all knew or felt it was a boy and were not too surprised. I just felt that it was a boy the entire time. My mom checked Isabel out of school early for us and so Isabel went with us. She was so excited and of course Joey is beside himself! She said "I told you it was a boy!" He is such an active little thing! He flipped around so many times it took her a little bit to get his heart rate because the little cutie wouldn't hold still.

I feel just so blessed that God would give us another baby so soon. Even though our due date was July 11th and still is set at that, Jan (our ultra sound tech) said it was measuring at July 9th as of yesterday. This is only one day after we had little Grayson oddly enough. Which makes me realize how great God is to give us a 2nd one all in one year, how amazing! Dr. Tucker has said though that he will take him as early as 36 weeks no later than 37 weeks. So we are thinking the 2nd to last week in June.

Of course I cried all afternoon yesterday mainly because I kept thinking of Grayson and feeling overwhelmingly blessed to have this little guy at the same time...grief is a very odd thing as it is but very strange in my situation as well. I grieve for Grayson every day and cry for her at least once a day lately but its so odd because its times I begin bonding with this little guy that I think of her. I did start to feel him move a couple of days ago and really yesterday felt him quite a bit. I think God told him to just remind his mommy that hes in there and fine! :)

I have to admit I have been a little taken over by some fear this week. Fear of the worst, but I was reminded today by an unbelivable sister in Christ Judy B that God does not give me this fear. Satan is working over time to take every ounce of joy out of us for this baby. She reminded me that God loves this baby more than I could ever imagine, that God is in charge and not satan and that he will not torment me if I can hold tight to the truth! ....thank you Judy you are amazing and thank you for praying with me today!

So now sadly enough I still have a nursery full of pink that needs to be dealt with. So when I get ready I will replace the pink with blue. I assume Ill probably wait until the night before he comes! :) My dear friend Heather is having a boy and there is a very good chance that we will have them on the same day! She lives in Texas and is coming to visit in March so I am hoping and thinking that her being here will help get me excited to do some shopping!

Thank you for your prayers every one of them are felt!

doctor appointment

Its has been a little while since I have posted an update but my doctor appointment is not for a few more weeks. However I managed to slip in an appointment a week ago so I wanted to tell you about it! A week ago Friday I was at work and had been feeling bad the few days before. My legs and my arms have been going numb and aching pretty bad. They had gotten worse on Friday morning. My job has been stressful to say the least the past month and I was pretty sure this is why I was having these problems. But I began to panic a little that morning because I thought that this was a sign of a miscarriage. I called my doctor and they said they were about to close early for the day but to just come in anyways. I got in my car and called one of my close friends and just began to cry. I think I knew in my heart that everything was fine but I began to think of the day I left work to "run up to the doctor to just get checked real quick" to find out we had lost Grayson. I was a little overwhelmed. My friend reminded me that I have slipped up on my quite times with my bible studies lately and I knew that this is why my peace had started to get stirred up lately.

When I got the the doctor I waited about an hour and I prayed and tried to just think good thoughts but my mind kept wondering back to the day we lost Grayson. SO FINALLY they called me back and Dr. Tucker came in and I started crying and he went ahead and checked the heart beat and of course the little thing was still there! So we talked a while and he told me that he thought stress was a contributing factor to why my arms and legs were like this. But that also when your pregnant this can happen and that we would just watch it. I had also been taking a ton of Zofran for sickness and he said there was a possibility that it could cause this. So I was about to leave and he asked me if I wanted to just go downstairs and get an ultrasound. I got so excited! I said "Really I can?" He said of course and to just go downstairs because they were closing. SO when I went downstairs the lady who did all my ultra sounds with Grayson was there. Her name is Jan. She is the one who told me we had lost Grayson that day. When she saw me she asked me if there was a problem finding the heart beat and I assured her it was there but that I was just an insane pregnant women stressed out who would appreciate seeing her baby! She was SOOO sweet and there was no one waiting! I asked her to record it so I could surprise Joey with it. We had not seen the baby yet only a heart beat before. SO she hooked me up and there the little thing was! Strong heart beat and everything. It only kicked its little legs a couple of times and she said this was completely normal at 3 months that they don't move hardly at all at this time. The fun and peaceful part was that she let me lay there a very long time and just watch it. We talked about Grayson and about this baby and it was so nice! I appreciate her so much for that!

So that night I went home and gave the pictures to Joey and we watched it. He was so excited and kept pausing it on the baby's "parts" to try to figure out what it was. Jan said she had an idea but it was still to early to tell. But I am almost certain its a boy! Who knows though!

Thank you for caring and most importantly praying and I pray for GOd to continue to give us complete peace. There is no one in the world that can tell me ANYTHING to make me at peace or show me anything. I am confident it can ONLY come from Him and thats what my entire days have to be filled with in order to receive it!

Will keep you posted in the next few weeks!