Joey and I finally decided for certain that we are going to name our little boy James Knox Butler and call him Knox. James is Joey's dad's name and Knox is a name I actually had picked out for Grayson if she were a boy. I had a little boy come in my office one day and his name was Knox and I fell in love with it since then. He is quite an active little thing at times but not as much as I would like him to be and I just really think this name is going to be perfect for him. We are 21 weeks and getting anxious and excited. God has definitely came through as always and has given me the peace that surpasses all things. I rarely think negative thoughts about this pregnancy ending any other way than good. My mind has been set on good things and I love this little guy so much already. I absolutely love feeling him move so much, it reminds me of Grayson. It's by far the most exciting thing I could ever have happen to me right now when feeling him. Isabel is so excited and counts the days down every day. She sings to my tummy and talks to Knox all the time. Of course I do not have to tell you how excited Joey is. He has become obsessed with fishing and boughta boat this past week. Him and Isabel are in heaven with it and we know little Knox will enjoy it one day as well.Joey went to Bass Pro the other day and bought Knox his first little outfit. Its white with a fish on it and it says Bass Pro on. I thought that was sweet. Its so small it could fit a little baby doll. We still do not know the exact date of his arrival but we are thinking it will be either a few days before Father's Day or a few days after.
Please continue to pray as we get closer that God will continue giving us that peace we have. I pray all the time for Him to allow us to feel your prayers.
Philippians 4: 11_13
"I am not sayign this because I am need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do EVERYTHING through Him who gives me strenght."
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentines Day/doctor appointment
Well now that I am almost 5 months pregnant I suppose the "nesting" phase has set in. I did this baout htis time last year while pregnant with Grayson. I went to buy some storage tubs today to clean out Isabel's room because it is that time of the year to do this! And I decided to start taking down the pink in the nursery along with Grayson's things. It really was not as hard as I guess it owuld have been a few months ago but I came across a bib that belonged to Isabel when she was a baby that I had saved for Grayson. It read "Baby's First Valentine's Day" It brought tears to my eyes that she would be wearing that today. I almost feel like I'm betraying her by packing her stuff up and have gotten a little bitter over replacing pink with boy colors. Only because I never got to use these things on sweet Grayson. But God constantly reminds me that these are material things and really are meaningless in the scheme of things. I k now this but it is still something that I have in the back of my mind. We went to the doctor this past week and had a pretty lengthy ultra spund done and he is certainly an active little thing! I am so excited for him to come and we are pretty certain on a name for him but will let you know as soon as we "officially" decide!
Happy Valentines Day!
Happy Valentines Day!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
IT'S A BOY!
We went to the doctor yesterday and found out we are having a BOY! We all knew or felt it was a boy and were not too surprised. I just felt that it was a boy the entire time. My mom checked Isabel out of school early for us and so Isabel went with us. She was so excited and of course Joey is beside himself! She said "I told you it was a boy!" He is such an active little thing! He flipped around so many times it took her a little bit to get his heart rate because the little cutie wouldn't hold still.
I feel just so blessed that God would give us another baby so soon. Even though our due date was July 11th and still is set at that, Jan (our ultra sound tech) said it was measuring at July 9th as of yesterday. This is only one day after we had little Grayson oddly enough. Which makes me realize how great God is to give us a 2nd one all in one year, how amazing! Dr. Tucker has said though that he will take him as early as 36 weeks no later than 37 weeks. So we are thinking the 2nd to last week in June.
Of course I cried all afternoon yesterday mainly because I kept thinking of Grayson and feeling overwhelmingly blessed to have this little guy at the same time...grief is a very odd thing as it is but very strange in my situation as well. I grieve for Grayson every day and cry for her at least once a day lately but its so odd because its times I begin bonding with this little guy that I think of her. I did start to feel him move a couple of days ago and really yesterday felt him quite a bit. I think God told him to just remind his mommy that hes in there and fine! :)
I have to admit I have been a little taken over by some fear this week. Fear of the worst, but I was reminded today by an unbelivable sister in Christ Judy B that God does not give me this fear. Satan is working over time to take every ounce of joy out of us for this baby. She reminded me that God loves this baby more than I could ever imagine, that God is in charge and not satan and that he will not torment me if I can hold tight to the truth! ....thank you Judy you are amazing and thank you for praying with me today!
So now sadly enough I still have a nursery full of pink that needs to be dealt with. So when I get ready I will replace the pink with blue. I assume Ill probably wait until the night before he comes! :) My dear friend Heather is having a boy and there is a very good chance that we will have them on the same day! She lives in Texas and is coming to visit in March so I am hoping and thinking that her being here will help get me excited to do some shopping!
Thank you for your prayers every one of them are felt!
I feel just so blessed that God would give us another baby so soon. Even though our due date was July 11th and still is set at that, Jan (our ultra sound tech) said it was measuring at July 9th as of yesterday. This is only one day after we had little Grayson oddly enough. Which makes me realize how great God is to give us a 2nd one all in one year, how amazing! Dr. Tucker has said though that he will take him as early as 36 weeks no later than 37 weeks. So we are thinking the 2nd to last week in June.
Of course I cried all afternoon yesterday mainly because I kept thinking of Grayson and feeling overwhelmingly blessed to have this little guy at the same time...grief is a very odd thing as it is but very strange in my situation as well. I grieve for Grayson every day and cry for her at least once a day lately but its so odd because its times I begin bonding with this little guy that I think of her. I did start to feel him move a couple of days ago and really yesterday felt him quite a bit. I think God told him to just remind his mommy that hes in there and fine! :)
I have to admit I have been a little taken over by some fear this week. Fear of the worst, but I was reminded today by an unbelivable sister in Christ Judy B that God does not give me this fear. Satan is working over time to take every ounce of joy out of us for this baby. She reminded me that God loves this baby more than I could ever imagine, that God is in charge and not satan and that he will not torment me if I can hold tight to the truth! ....thank you Judy you are amazing and thank you for praying with me today!
So now sadly enough I still have a nursery full of pink that needs to be dealt with. So when I get ready I will replace the pink with blue. I assume Ill probably wait until the night before he comes! :) My dear friend Heather is having a boy and there is a very good chance that we will have them on the same day! She lives in Texas and is coming to visit in March so I am hoping and thinking that her being here will help get me excited to do some shopping!
Thank you for your prayers every one of them are felt!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
doctor appointment
Its has been a little while since I have posted an update but my doctor appointment is not for a few more weeks. However I managed to slip in an appointment a week ago so I wanted to tell you about it! A week ago Friday I was at work and had been feeling bad the few days before. My legs and my arms have been going numb and aching pretty bad. They had gotten worse on Friday morning. My job has been stressful to say the least the past month and I was pretty sure this is why I was having these problems. But I began to panic a little that morning because I thought that this was a sign of a miscarriage. I called my doctor and they said they were about to close early for the day but to just come in anyways. I got in my car and called one of my close friends and just began to cry. I think I knew in my heart that everything was fine but I began to think of the day I left work to "run up to the doctor to just get checked real quick" to find out we had lost Grayson. I was a little overwhelmed. My friend reminded me that I have slipped up on my quite times with my bible studies lately and I knew that this is why my peace had started to get stirred up lately.
When I got the the doctor I waited about an hour and I prayed and tried to just think good thoughts but my mind kept wondering back to the day we lost Grayson. SO FINALLY they called me back and Dr. Tucker came in and I started crying and he went ahead and checked the heart beat and of course the little thing was still there! So we talked a while and he told me that he thought stress was a contributing factor to why my arms and legs were like this. But that also when your pregnant this can happen and that we would just watch it. I had also been taking a ton of Zofran for sickness and he said there was a possibility that it could cause this. So I was about to leave and he asked me if I wanted to just go downstairs and get an ultrasound. I got so excited! I said "Really I can?" He said of course and to just go downstairs because they were closing. SO when I went downstairs the lady who did all my ultra sounds with Grayson was there. Her name is Jan. She is the one who told me we had lost Grayson that day. When she saw me she asked me if there was a problem finding the heart beat and I assured her it was there but that I was just an insane pregnant women stressed out who would appreciate seeing her baby! She was SOOO sweet and there was no one waiting! I asked her to record it so I could surprise Joey with it. We had not seen the baby yet only a heart beat before. SO she hooked me up and there the little thing was! Strong heart beat and everything. It only kicked its little legs a couple of times and she said this was completely normal at 3 months that they don't move hardly at all at this time. The fun and peaceful part was that she let me lay there a very long time and just watch it. We talked about Grayson and about this baby and it was so nice! I appreciate her so much for that!
So that night I went home and gave the pictures to Joey and we watched it. He was so excited and kept pausing it on the baby's "parts" to try to figure out what it was. Jan said she had an idea but it was still to early to tell. But I am almost certain its a boy! Who knows though!
Thank you for caring and most importantly praying and I pray for GOd to continue to give us complete peace. There is no one in the world that can tell me ANYTHING to make me at peace or show me anything. I am confident it can ONLY come from Him and thats what my entire days have to be filled with in order to receive it!
Will keep you posted in the next few weeks!
When I got the the doctor I waited about an hour and I prayed and tried to just think good thoughts but my mind kept wondering back to the day we lost Grayson. SO FINALLY they called me back and Dr. Tucker came in and I started crying and he went ahead and checked the heart beat and of course the little thing was still there! So we talked a while and he told me that he thought stress was a contributing factor to why my arms and legs were like this. But that also when your pregnant this can happen and that we would just watch it. I had also been taking a ton of Zofran for sickness and he said there was a possibility that it could cause this. So I was about to leave and he asked me if I wanted to just go downstairs and get an ultrasound. I got so excited! I said "Really I can?" He said of course and to just go downstairs because they were closing. SO when I went downstairs the lady who did all my ultra sounds with Grayson was there. Her name is Jan. She is the one who told me we had lost Grayson that day. When she saw me she asked me if there was a problem finding the heart beat and I assured her it was there but that I was just an insane pregnant women stressed out who would appreciate seeing her baby! She was SOOO sweet and there was no one waiting! I asked her to record it so I could surprise Joey with it. We had not seen the baby yet only a heart beat before. SO she hooked me up and there the little thing was! Strong heart beat and everything. It only kicked its little legs a couple of times and she said this was completely normal at 3 months that they don't move hardly at all at this time. The fun and peaceful part was that she let me lay there a very long time and just watch it. We talked about Grayson and about this baby and it was so nice! I appreciate her so much for that!
So that night I went home and gave the pictures to Joey and we watched it. He was so excited and kept pausing it on the baby's "parts" to try to figure out what it was. Jan said she had an idea but it was still to early to tell. But I am almost certain its a boy! Who knows though!
Thank you for caring and most importantly praying and I pray for GOd to continue to give us complete peace. There is no one in the world that can tell me ANYTHING to make me at peace or show me anything. I am confident it can ONLY come from Him and thats what my entire days have to be filled with in order to receive it!
Will keep you posted in the next few weeks!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Phil Wickham
I was beginning to worry about myself a couple of months ago because I went through a "dry" spell of not crying over Grayson. I was beginning to think that something was really wrong with me because I was not grieving the way I had the past few months before. HOwever last week changed all of that for me! Joey and I went to a Phil Wickham concert at Pinelake Church and if you don't know already I will tell you I am a HUGE fan of his! I started listening to him right about the time I found out I was pregnant with Grayson. His music is so moving to me and I certainly feel the peace of God every song he plays. I began listening to Divine Romance and played it in the mornings as I would get ready for work really just praising God for giving us Grayson. When we lost her Joey had his I-POD at the hospital and I listened to that song laying there and about lost my mind I was so overwhelmed listening to it. However we played the song at her service and it has always been such a special song to me.
The day of the concert Joey picked me up from work early so we could get tot he concert. (Okay so the show started at 6:30 and we got there at 4!!) But we got front row seats!! My mother in law, and sister and brother in law came with us as well. As we were sitting on the front row (about the only ones in there!) Phil walked out and I about fell out of my chair! However he was talking to a few guys and I didn't want to interrupt and so I just sat there as he walked away thinking what an idiot I was for passing up my one chance to meet him!
ABout an hour later Chip the pastor at Pinelake came out and introduced himself to me. He then told me to follow him to take me on a tour of the church. (random) so we all got up and went with him and long story short my mother in law had e mailed Chip many weeks ahead and had this arranged for me. We went in the back and there he was! I wanted to just shake his hand and tell him how much his music has meant to us and how we used his song at Grayson's service. Instead of course I began to cry like never before! He probably thought I was an insane fan! But i told him about how my early days home from the hospital how I sat in front on the computer praying and singing his praise songs and how they got me through so much. It was very overwhelming meeting him but so exciting! The show was amazing!
SO ever since then I have had no problem crying over missing Grayson. It all came back which I guess is a good thing and I am sure that being pregnant does not help my emotions any either!
We go to the doctor on the 23rd so I would appreciate all your prayers for peace. I feel everything is okay but sometimes get nervous just hoping the little thing is still there when I get there!
I will keep you updated and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!!
The day of the concert Joey picked me up from work early so we could get tot he concert. (Okay so the show started at 6:30 and we got there at 4!!) But we got front row seats!! My mother in law, and sister and brother in law came with us as well. As we were sitting on the front row (about the only ones in there!) Phil walked out and I about fell out of my chair! However he was talking to a few guys and I didn't want to interrupt and so I just sat there as he walked away thinking what an idiot I was for passing up my one chance to meet him!
ABout an hour later Chip the pastor at Pinelake came out and introduced himself to me. He then told me to follow him to take me on a tour of the church. (random) so we all got up and went with him and long story short my mother in law had e mailed Chip many weeks ahead and had this arranged for me. We went in the back and there he was! I wanted to just shake his hand and tell him how much his music has meant to us and how we used his song at Grayson's service. Instead of course I began to cry like never before! He probably thought I was an insane fan! But i told him about how my early days home from the hospital how I sat in front on the computer praying and singing his praise songs and how they got me through so much. It was very overwhelming meeting him but so exciting! The show was amazing!
SO ever since then I have had no problem crying over missing Grayson. It all came back which I guess is a good thing and I am sure that being pregnant does not help my emotions any either!
We go to the doctor on the 23rd so I would appreciate all your prayers for peace. I feel everything is okay but sometimes get nervous just hoping the little thing is still there when I get there!
I will keep you updated and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Good News
Well as you probably can tell by now Joey and I are expecting another baby. We are of course so excited and feel extremely blessed. Especially because it happened much sooner than we anticipated! I am exactly 2 months this weekend. We went to the doctor last Tuesday for our first check up and the baby had a very strong heart beat and Dr. Nichols said everything looked really good. She has high hopes for this pregnancy.
Some people are confused about what happened with us and think that we are a "high risk" pregnancy because of losing Grayson, but this is gratefully not the case at all. My doctor likes to call it a "High Situation" :) Meaning our feelings! There is no reason at all to expect this to end in any other way other than the outcome of a healthy baby. Of course unless God has other plans and I know now I can handle whatever he brings us. My doctor did say she was "renting" us out to another doctor for the coming months of pregnancy because she is actually not delivering anymore :( But she did say she will assist in our delivery. The doctor she gave us to is Dr. Tucker and is in the same group as her and he also specializes in "High Risk" pregnancy. Starting at 28 weeks they are going to begin letting us have a different kind of ultra sound that actually measures the movement of the baby as well as length of the cord etc... so if anything just to give us a piece of mind as to movement versus cord growth. She even said we could do this as much as once a week starting at 28 weeks and that as early as 37 weeks if we were nervous or depending on the growth they would take the baby that early! So our due date is July 11th but we are hoping to have it the end of June.
We have known since the day before Halloween but just chose to wait till we went to the doctor before announcing it. I have been extremely sick though and very tired so I had a feeling everything was okay because my doctor always said that was a good sign being that sick so early on.
Of course this is all so exciting but strange to me in a way as well. I miss Grayson so much, I think more now than before. When we were at the doctor all I could think about was that day I was last in there getting an ultra sound and when I heard th heart beat i actually for a minute was thinking it was still Grayson....weird I know. Isabel of course is so excited. Bless her little heart, she even said that she thinks Grayson helped Jesus clean my tummy out to get ready for this new baby. I love that little thing and love her big ole heart she has for Jesus, it makes me so happy the way she loves him.
I really am not that stressed over this besides feeling so sick! I am actually at peace. I know God is in control as he has proven to us in so many ways and also to us that He will take care of us no matter what. There certainly are no promises other than His love. Even if this baby is completely healthy and born there is still nothing certain ever which is why I have decided to finally just take a step back and breath a little instead of worrying.
I have also learned that all the material things are NOT important to me at all! I do not want showers or anything at all for this baby. I know this sounds so cold but my focus is on taking care of myself and praying like crazy and I just cant allow myself to "prepare" the way i did before. It was the biggest disappointment of my life and I just cant allow myself to do some of the things I did before. We also have our nursery still up from Grayson. So if its a boy we will just take down all the pink and if its a girl, then its ready to go anyways!
Thank you all for caring and more importantly for praying it means the world to us. I will keep you updated as we know things.
Love,
Gretchen and Joey and Isabel
Some people are confused about what happened with us and think that we are a "high risk" pregnancy because of losing Grayson, but this is gratefully not the case at all. My doctor likes to call it a "High Situation" :) Meaning our feelings! There is no reason at all to expect this to end in any other way other than the outcome of a healthy baby. Of course unless God has other plans and I know now I can handle whatever he brings us. My doctor did say she was "renting" us out to another doctor for the coming months of pregnancy because she is actually not delivering anymore :( But she did say she will assist in our delivery. The doctor she gave us to is Dr. Tucker and is in the same group as her and he also specializes in "High Risk" pregnancy. Starting at 28 weeks they are going to begin letting us have a different kind of ultra sound that actually measures the movement of the baby as well as length of the cord etc... so if anything just to give us a piece of mind as to movement versus cord growth. She even said we could do this as much as once a week starting at 28 weeks and that as early as 37 weeks if we were nervous or depending on the growth they would take the baby that early! So our due date is July 11th but we are hoping to have it the end of June.
We have known since the day before Halloween but just chose to wait till we went to the doctor before announcing it. I have been extremely sick though and very tired so I had a feeling everything was okay because my doctor always said that was a good sign being that sick so early on.
Of course this is all so exciting but strange to me in a way as well. I miss Grayson so much, I think more now than before. When we were at the doctor all I could think about was that day I was last in there getting an ultra sound and when I heard th heart beat i actually for a minute was thinking it was still Grayson....weird I know. Isabel of course is so excited. Bless her little heart, she even said that she thinks Grayson helped Jesus clean my tummy out to get ready for this new baby. I love that little thing and love her big ole heart she has for Jesus, it makes me so happy the way she loves him.
I really am not that stressed over this besides feeling so sick! I am actually at peace. I know God is in control as he has proven to us in so many ways and also to us that He will take care of us no matter what. There certainly are no promises other than His love. Even if this baby is completely healthy and born there is still nothing certain ever which is why I have decided to finally just take a step back and breath a little instead of worrying.
I have also learned that all the material things are NOT important to me at all! I do not want showers or anything at all for this baby. I know this sounds so cold but my focus is on taking care of myself and praying like crazy and I just cant allow myself to "prepare" the way i did before. It was the biggest disappointment of my life and I just cant allow myself to do some of the things I did before. We also have our nursery still up from Grayson. So if its a boy we will just take down all the pink and if its a girl, then its ready to go anyways!
Thank you all for caring and more importantly for praying it means the world to us. I will keep you updated as we know things.
Love,
Gretchen and Joey and Isabel
Thursday, October 16, 2008
random thoughts
I just realized how long it has been since I posted anything on here. Truth be known, I have sat down many nights to write on here but just kind of tell myself "I can't really go there tonight". So I just turn it off. The past month has been extremely difficult in many aspects but I have healed tremendously in others. It is amazing how God does that....gives it to you slowly and allows you to take things in stride. I know alot of people wonder about the nursery and what we ended up doing with it, and if someone asked me on a day I am having an "angry at the world day", I would probably tell them its none of their business. :) BUT since no one has asked (I can not imagine why because I have been such a joy to be around these days!) :) I will tell you! We have not done a darn thing to the nursery. It is still up and everything in place. I did sit in there one night and cry and unpack her hospital bag and then decided to re-pack it and out it back where it was. But now it is strange because it's not what it use to be to me anymore. It's just a room with a bunch of things in it and though of course it means alot to me it just kind of is there and thats it....maybe tomorrow I will wake up and think differently but for now its just there and thats really all there is to say about it.
Work is getting so much easier. There are actually days that go by without anyone asking how the baby is doing. Though there are still the occasional who ask and I kind of want to ask "where int he world have you been??" But God has given me tremendous strength and i have yet to blow up on any stranger!
On lighter notes, everything else is good. Joey had his conference with Isabel's teacher today and all is great! She said Isabel is doing great in Kindergarten! Isabel LOVES her teacher and trys to act like her, its so stinkin cute. Joey and her are fishing right now at his Dad's house. This has become complete routine for the two of them. Every Thursday and Friday he picks her up from school on his days off and takes her to his Dad's house to fish at the lake. I do not think either one of them realize what a great Dad he is. He is truely amazing to do this with her EVERY WEEK. He does not drop her off at daycare so he can enjoy his days off alone, he spends EVERY ONE of them with her! What better Dad could you ask for? I often think how lucky Grayson was and never knew it!
I went to the Doctor a few weeks ago to see about this stupid cyst on my wrist. I noticed it when I was pregnant and it got really big and was so annoying! So I wanted to go ahead and get it looked at. Well, it is sitting right on top of my main joint on my wrist and is now causing me to lose feeling in my fingers and middle arm. SO he is going to take it out in a few weeks. So I am really looking forward to it! It is driving me INSANE!
Thank you all for your constant prayers and I ask that you will continue to pray that God will continue granting me strength and awareness of the GOOD he has brought out of this. Some days it is hard to see when everything around me seems so dark! I have to remember to draw my strength from HIM and nothing else.
Work is getting so much easier. There are actually days that go by without anyone asking how the baby is doing. Though there are still the occasional who ask and I kind of want to ask "where int he world have you been??" But God has given me tremendous strength and i have yet to blow up on any stranger!
On lighter notes, everything else is good. Joey had his conference with Isabel's teacher today and all is great! She said Isabel is doing great in Kindergarten! Isabel LOVES her teacher and trys to act like her, its so stinkin cute. Joey and her are fishing right now at his Dad's house. This has become complete routine for the two of them. Every Thursday and Friday he picks her up from school on his days off and takes her to his Dad's house to fish at the lake. I do not think either one of them realize what a great Dad he is. He is truely amazing to do this with her EVERY WEEK. He does not drop her off at daycare so he can enjoy his days off alone, he spends EVERY ONE of them with her! What better Dad could you ask for? I often think how lucky Grayson was and never knew it!
I went to the Doctor a few weeks ago to see about this stupid cyst on my wrist. I noticed it when I was pregnant and it got really big and was so annoying! So I wanted to go ahead and get it looked at. Well, it is sitting right on top of my main joint on my wrist and is now causing me to lose feeling in my fingers and middle arm. SO he is going to take it out in a few weeks. So I am really looking forward to it! It is driving me INSANE!
Thank you all for your constant prayers and I ask that you will continue to pray that God will continue granting me strength and awareness of the GOOD he has brought out of this. Some days it is hard to see when everything around me seems so dark! I have to remember to draw my strength from HIM and nothing else.
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